David Gillespie - The difference between men and women?

19 May 2011 8:10 PM

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Message # 595472

Deleted user

Last night 'he who is not FF' bought me some 85% dark chocolate. I have been FF for 3 months. I no longer eat anything containing fructose. He knows this. His theory is that it is high in cocoa and sugar is not the first ingredient. Is this a man who is being lovely and trying to support me by getting something he thinks is appropriate? Or is he sabotaging me? Is it a man thing?

Thoughts?

Sally

19 May 2011 9:41 PM

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Reply # 595559 on 595472

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It looks like idiocy, but consider this: he may not have done any serious reading or thinking on this. He hears all the stuff in the popular media about how dark chocolate is good for you and he thinks that to him this sounds fine. Consider how the popular media have misled US on our health all these years. We GET that. But he still hasn't realized the misinformation out there.

YOU know sugar is worse for you than the small benefit that cocoa solids give. You know you can get PLENTY of nutrients better ways (ie without sugar added) But he has NOT spent much brain power on this because he is more interested in, say the rugby, or V8s or whatever his thing is. So go easy on him. Same with all your friends who don't get it.

Let him know that sugar over 3% in a product is out for you right now. Maybe the long haul. Tell him the treat foods he CAN keep an eye out for. For me it's getting really pungent, interesting cheeses. Luckily we both love this, and make special trips to taste cheese together and spend more than we can afford on good crumbly, salty blues etc. mmm. (it is great if you share a tasty treat..I'm learning to appreciate beers which my bloke likes, and we also are trying more types of specialist beers) I guess it's great to have shared tastes in something else when you give up something like sugar. Think positive about what you CAN do/share. Make it fun, not dreary.

20 May 2011 3:53 AM

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Reply # 595823 on 595472

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Amateur psychology aside Sally, he loves you and bought you something which he thought you might like.

It is that simple. Count your blessings.

Football...V8s? Sheesh!!!

David F.

20 May 2011 6:08 AM

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Reply # 595858 on 595472

Deleted user

ah the simple love of a man. so why do women ask for input when they get exasperated?sheesh!

21 May 2011 8:28 PM

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Reply # 597239 on 595472

Deleted user

Julie, let's get serious here, he's a 'Feeder'. My dearly beloved is a feeder. Oh, how I wish I had known what a 'feeder' was back when I first met him!! I had just through diet & excercise, lost about 12 kilos, after my marriage broke up. We met, and, well, all he wantert to do was 'look after' me & 'feed' me. He was an amateur chef, made some tasty 'messes', they looked messy but tasted good, and I didn't want to offend him, as I'm a kind person, & hate to hurt people's feelings. Tried to get him walking with me, but it was a gradual thing, I went walking less & less & ate more, and hey bingo!! back to fatness & more......I had a lot of trouble initially when I started doing this fructose free life. On his way to & from the kitchen to get himself snacks, he would always bring something for me, (as was usual) Even though I didn't always eat said snacks, they were within sight, & I eventually did eat them. That was when I gradually realised he was just being a 'feeder' wanting to nurture me. He's a good, kind sorta bloke, & I love him deeply, but I can't let him sabotage me like this, I thought.....so I sat him down & had a little word, something along the lines that I really appreciated everything he did for me, (which I do, he's the main dinner cook), but that I was serious about this, & if he wasn't going to join me, then please don't sabotage my efforts. He was a little huffy at first, but soon got the message, as I would make him come back & take any 'extra' offerings back to the kitchen. I had a little battle with him regarding cutting right back on potatoes, tho'. Took me about 8 meals worth of too many potatoes to get the message over.
Now I hear the guys out there saying' But you are choosing to put this stuff in your own mouth, aren't you?' And you'd be right. But, surely some of you out there know how hard it can be to say no to something tempting that's shoved right in front of your face, can't you? Hey? I love my food, so find it extra hard.....so to all you amateur psychologists out there, give the girl a bit of a break, no sarcasm, please, we are all trying our damndest to make this lifestyle work & don't need your silly stuff, at least try to be encouraging.

I, at least, am still trying to
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22 May 2011 8:28 PM

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Reply # 598505 on 595472

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Thanks for your different opinions.

The update to this is 'The Man' has gone cold turkey FF AND caffeine free! So proud of him. Started today and is having major coffee withdrawals. Lucky for him, am me, I know what he is going through so I can support him. I asked him to try it for 3 months (after a little bit of a heated conversation) and if it doesn't work he can go back to what he is doing now and I will never mention a word about it. We all know he won't go back but right now he can't see that.

Wish us (me) luck for the next couple of weeks. :)

Sally

23 May 2011 12:06 AM

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Reply # 598734 on 595472

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Victory!! Yay.. well done Sally, do you think he will give up half way? Good on him, I always say you can catch a lot of flies with honey but none with vinegar, that's my motto, be nice, be kind and you will go a long way.
Good luck with all of it, & encourage him to write on the forum, or direct him to SparkPeople website if he needs motivation.
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25 Jun 2011 12:14 AM

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Reply # 630133 on 595823

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David F wrote:
Amateur psychology aside Sally, he loves you and bought you something which he thought you might like.

It is that simple. Count your blessings.

Football...V8s? Sheesh!!!

David F.

Lolz :D

My husband always bought me chocolates even when I told him I'd rather not have them in the house. The "it's too much temptation" argument got me nowhere. I soon realised that, in my case, his issue wasn't about chocolate specifically, it was about gift giving in general. I suggested no sugar alternatives like a favourite movie on dvd and HEY PRESTO! Haven't seen a box of chocolates since.

Now the dvd cabinet overfloweth.

Last modified: 25 Jun 2011 2:12 AM | Deleted user

28 Jun 2011 5:45 AM

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Reply # 633373 on 595472

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Would like to say he continued with it but didn't even last 2 weeks. I am still FF though. This is my life now. I am still rather cross with him. Can you tell...

02 Jul 2011 5:43 PM

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Reply # 641332 on 630133

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Sera Kehl wrote:
David F wrote:
Amateur psychology aside Sally, he loves you and bought you something which he thought you might like.

It is that simple. Count your blessings.

Football...V8s? Sheesh!!!

David F.

Lolz :D

My husband always bought me chocolates even when I told him I'd rather not have them in the house. The "it's too much temptation" argument got me nowhere. I soon realised that, in my case, his issue wasn't about chocolate specifically, it was about gift giving in general. I suggested no sugar alternatives like a favourite movie on dvd and HEY PRESTO! Haven't seen a box of chocolates since.

Now the dvd cabinet overfloweth.

Hi, Sally, sorry about your man giving up. Mine gave up too. He 's a great shopper, finds all the bargains. But as I keep telling him, they're not that great if they make you sick, or fat or both. ie he bought a packet of choc chip cookies, on Friday It's Sunday & think they are almost all gone, he told me he ate heaps on Saturday. But I think we both need to take Sera's advice, don't you?

I do still feel the temptation, now & then, but his addiction is greater. At least he's given up the dirt drinks and mainly drinks water, and tea. I'm still addicted to sweet milky coffee. Trying hard to give it up. I did try the chamomile tea, it was great when I had my teeth out, last Monday. It helped me calm down & sleep better. But I guess I will have to have it on a more regular basis to get used to the taste.

Good news is I've broken the 100 kilo barrier!! At last. I was 99.6 on Friday, hope next time I get weighed I've gone down further.

Good luck with it all, Sally. My DB is now hiding his treats in the fridge in MY former hiding place, my Tim Tam women's only tin!! Anyone else had one of these in their fridge? hehe. So, at least he's not storing them in full view, so I don't get tempted. Except, I always would keep something in front of it, to keep up the appearance I wasn't eating the Tim Tams, as well as keeping them out of sight from myself(!!!) lol. I still try to put the things in front of it, but he hasn't twigged that, as he always removes them & pulls the tin forward, I always know he's been in there!! (rolling eyes, shakes head)

The main thing is, David F, we all know that they are doing it out of Love for us, but that you guys need to find out what we REALLY want, not what YOU think we want!! There's a difference, honest!! Most of us do it for you guys, why can't you do it for us? (please don't anyone get the hump, I'm generalising). But even if you do get upset, why are you upset, is it 'cos you know there's some truth in what I say? Think about it.

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